When I lost you.

Ramadan Kareem everyone, I hope you're lot more happier.

9th June 2018, I just lost my son. The one I've been taking care of since I was 17; 2013. The only son that stays, no matter what happened.

And he left me two days ago, just between my most hardcore papers on final exam.

I named him Tambi. Yes 'Tambi'. I took him from an Indian Lady in Morib. He was living with one itik serati, a dog, his siblings, a goat, and chickens. I took him with one of his siblings back home.
But at the end of the day, his sibling ran away from home one day and he was the one who left.

And I, love him very dearly.

My dear son Tambi, 

I'm sorry for neglecting you past these two weeks. I've been busy chasing time, study on my papers for final exam. I've been stressed out, I don't make time for you.

But then I forgot that you're the one who are in grieved. 

It's only been two days, but I've already seen you everywhere around the house. I'm not used to not seeing you. Even you're in cage back then, I used to glance at you. Just for once a day, to acknowledge that you're still there, I'm fine. 

But when I came home from my maths paper that day, I did not know that last night was ours. I rushed back home from uni just to bring you to vet. I know the doctor will mad at me, but as long as she can saves you like what she did before, I don't care. But I didn't make it on time. 

I never thought I'm holding you lifelessly. I never thought that one day I'm seeing you in that state. Even when I'm away from home during my diploma days, you still in front of the door when I got back for the weekend. I never thought to put you there and fill you up with earth. 


My son, 

I'm sorry for neglecting you. I'm sorry for keeping you in the cage, waiting for me. I'm sorry for not always bath you, giving you a good collar to wear, buying you your favorite Saba Fish and be with you at your final moment. 

At the end of the day, you're still my son. My eldest son. The son that I loved so much even I neglecting you these few days. The son that I wanted to stay with me till the end. 

I hope you're being good up there. Send my regards to Him. 

Mummy see you soon in heaven my son. I love you. 


Love,
your mummy.