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Assalamualaikum.

How's it going?

So hari jumaat, 13 Feb 2015 is a whole sad day for Malaysians.

We're loosing a great man to our country yet we still have to carry things on like there's nothing happen.

Because dealing with death is not an easy thing to do.

And I am, dealing with another death of mine. Not mine, a person that I love.

Kak Diah.

After what happened, I thought of something when I was on my way back home.

Why,

He didn't let me still clinging on her when she got married?

Because He wants me to prepare myself to lose her one day. As I am a person who is hard to deal with things like this.

If I still hanging with her like those days, I might not be a person that I am today.

As she left the world, along with Tuan Guru,

I can still hide the tears away from people. Except those who I put trust on to.

I still can smile, can get angry.

Not like what I was when I came straight from Poli to meet her as I heard the news that her brain was already dead.

Crying is not a solution to put her back to life, right?

But people can cry. People need to cry to let out something.



Kak Diah,

I wrote this post in this room where we shared our moments together. You're at the corner of the bed, reading your so complicated medic books while I'm asking you too much stupid questions,

yet you patiently responded to it one by one.

Do you still remember the days when you asked me to solat with you?

Well I miss that kind of moment. You be the imam, I'll be at the back, don't know the proper way to settle it.

You became my kakak, teach me those things. You praised me that I look cool wear those tudungs.
I fell in love with your dakwah on me, so till today it's your deeds that I'm wearing my tudung everywhere I go.

Who else I could hear the name 'Ika' or 'Syafiqah' from? Thats why I love you so much. The way you call me with that name, when I was already boring people call me 'Kakak'

Who else I will get IM 'budak bucuk' when it's not from you? Who else I will ask when my cats got flu?

Who's gonna be my kakak now?


I was raised and accept the fact I was the eldest and I don't have the chance to get the love from a brother or a sister.

Then you came. You gave the the love. You gave me the supports. You teach me.

We never have a photo together, right?

Supposedly I should keep a photo of us one, at least.

Because I'm gonna show it proudly to my mate and my kids that you're my Kakak that I love the most.

You know what I regret the most right now?

I'm not with you when you at your breaking point.

I'm not with you when you blew your last breath away.

I was laughing and enjoying my night before you left me, you left the people that you love.

No wonder I wanted to wear black for the whole day today.

The sky was great today, but not my sky.

I'm angry at myself for not crying because of you.

But I know you'll be angry at me if I put too much sympathy on you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not being like what you've did to me.

I'm not that good person indeed.

Not that kind of little kid that can comfort you like what you did to me.

It's time for you to go.

It's time for you to get some rest after what you've fighting for.

You're great woman, a great wife, a good daughter and a cool Kakak.

I know jannah is for you. I believe you make it there.

'Great people died on great days, right?'

Pray for me on everything up there. And wait for me.

I'll fight to get my Kakak again.

You just left me on 13/2/15 but you'll return one day.

And we'll reunite.

Salam sayang,
Ika.